“The D.E.N.N.I.S. System”

A Comprehensive Approach to Seduction:

• D – Demonstrate value
• E – Engage physically
• N – Nurturing dependence
• N – Neglect emotionally
• I – Inspire hope
• S -Separate entirely

We start talking about one another’s knowledge on random facts, one has a bio chem. Degree, one is in film school, I am working on a degree in PTA and English, and lastly a lawyer, WTF we win the game in my opinion, not saying we have all the knowledge in the world but enough to kick ass and take a solid 2^nd or 3^rd, I’m good with that. So the announcer comes on, “welcome to trivia sweetness, we have the largest crowed tonight then any other night so far this year so the 1^st place prize will be a $104 dollar beer tab”. Fuck, now we have to win, that’s real money. So we enter the first round nothing to hard, it is  pretty easy, basic VH1 stuff, Second round, getting a little harder a combo of a film degree and English guys knowledge compounded with the bio guy, third round holy shit, combine of all our knowledge, we have been in first the whole time thus far, with “The Boners” staying close behind by 1 point, we have to win. The rules of the game are NO cell phones, Each member has to have one beer a piece, and a bunch of other bull shit that doesn’t matter. All the sudden we see one of the team members of  “The Boners” get up from his table and walk towards the bathroom cell phone in hand, “HOLY SHIT, they have been cheating, Eddie, grab your cell and dick and go take a piss”, he returns and we change one answer, “Damn Driz you know a lot of nonsense”. We win 1^st place and a $104 bar tab, we proceed to drink it away and head to another bar named “Purdy”,  I drink there pretty often, good amount of people there. Driz’s friend J brings a few females, a 40 year old women and her 25 year old friend that he is interested in. They both proceed to hit on Driz, so Driz decides to tell them both he slept with a girl that had herps to get them away from him, HAHAHAHA, nice Driz. In the end we all just got drunk and went our own ways.

THE END

Yours truly,

   Breadstickhero

2. The girl in the yellow shirt likes her car–and listening to herself talk. So unless you like listening to her talk, you should stop looking at her and look at somebody else.

3. Ryan has great peripheral vision.

4. When the wind blows really hard and threatens to carry off property of Starbucks, some of us will jump up and help. Others will sit and watch.

5. That wind was scary and I, for one, wasn’t going to take the chance of getting a finger caught up inside metal folding parts of an umbrella table. No, sir!

6. Decision making within a healthy marriage is like an auction. The partners make a series of rational bids in order to decide their course of action. To those not bidding, the marriage appears either confusing and disordered or authoritarian and unequal. Or something like that.

7. Kyle’s…different.

8. Conrad is allowed to answer Yon’s phone, but not texts.

9. Young people visit Starbucks to feel old; old people visit to feel young. This is how they get you. Fool.

10. Marcel Duchamp is hot!

devil: out

update #1: soo here it IS: YAY: Manifesto #2 for 6/6/2010 \"where Nora Jones captures ChrisG\"

Rules of Engagement

1. Never, under any circumstance, get back with an ex.

Logic behind it: there is a reason why both parties wanted to end the relationship, and what ever problem you had with your ex will show up again if you get back together. Therefore, it is best to move on and not to look back. Also, if you follow this rule, it will make you understand that you need to fight in your relationships. If you let it end, then you have done everything you were willing to do to salvage the relationship. Therefore you will not live with regret of what might have been.

2. Never kiss on the first date, or at least try not to..

It is presumptuous, and shows little to no self-control. It is also always better to wait the longest amount of time, before both of you can’t stand it, at which time the opportunity will present its self.

3. Never treat someone like their are your #1 when they treat you like their #2, and vice versa

4.a (only for guys) When you are dating someone, you are also dating their best friend

4.b: (for all) whatever advice you can get from a best friend will always be the best course of action if they are in your favor (if they like you), since a best friend will always know just that much more than you will… from the start, over time this should change.

5. Smothering and controlling someone is always bad and negative. No trust will ever be established if you do. Give some breathing room for each other, if not they will start to resent you. And by giving people space, it shows levels of trust and commitment to one another (within reason of course)

6. Acts made during drunken states of mind do not count. This is because these acts were made during a state of illogical reasoning. So if you “hook up” with someone while drunk, do not assume that you just made them your girlfriend or boyfriend. Most acts made during a stage of drunken stupor are not thought out. With that said, it is not right of anyone who is sober to take advantage of anyone who is drunk, even if they are the ones who initiated the act.

7. As soon as you learn that you have no future with a person, you are to immediately end the relationship. The sooner it is done, the better it will be for both parties. If not performed, you will be breaking rule #3.

8. Always be truthful, no matter what. This is the hardest rule to follow, and should be used with discretion under special circumstances, but under all most all other circumstances, one should be 100% truthful. Special circumstances would be: breaking up, self-esteem questions, times of a death in the family (ie: i look like a horrible mess…..), and etc.

9. Don’t say that you love a person unless you truly mean it. The word love has lost most of its meaning in society, but it is one of the most powerful emotions. Because of this, it is not something that should be handled light heartedly.

10. There are no coincidences, it is by fate or nature which creates the choice encounters that we face, it is for us to decided what we do about them. But with that said, always have two feet planted with every decision you make. Fate will take you so far, and it is your decision whether or not you want to accept it or reject it.

Devil: Out

So, here in a fashion I think Breadstickhero will recognize and approve of is a recap of last night (as I can best recall). (BTW, Breadstickhero was invited, but never called for directions. Thanks a lot, asshole. It’s called a GPS.)

9:05 ChrisG shows up at my house with Dos Equis. I say, “I don’t care how great your Mexican beer tastes, that’s not enough Montezuma’s Revenge for two grown men.” Immediately we begin plotting the procurement of more beer.

9:20 The beer is nearly gone and, of course, my children have chosen tonight not to sleep. My wife makes sure I’ve noticed this. I have.

10:00 The kids settle down (for now) and my wife joins CG2010 and me on the porch. Best part of the evening so far: listening to CG describe his recent sexipades on a fishing boat–nicely done! I think we may need to revise our standard euphemism from “Landing the Eagle” to “Sailing the Nautilus,” or some such.

10:15 Another friend, John, shows up. He doesn’t drink anymore but has a lifetime of drinking experience, so we welcome his friendship on this evening of impending debauchery. John’s experience (he once had membership in an unofficial drinking club dubbed “Team Alcohol”) and CG’s expertise (he is a licensed bartend) prove a formidable duo–nearly enough to kill me, I too late discover.

11:15 Once the only fully mature adult (my wife) goes to bed, no one is left to tell us not to go to the bars. So we do. Way to drop the ball, Tina.

11:20 The walk to B-dub’s is uneventful (excepting my maniacal laughter upon crossing the street. I wish I could remember what I thought so funny).

11:40 Somehow we manage to miss last call at B-dub’s. Collectively, we decide against Breaking Shit. Instead we focus our efforts on finding a bar that will still serve us what is rightfully ours. Bitches.

11:50 Linder’s is open! Hallelujah!

12:00 There are no cute girls at Linder’s tonight; Tina can now relax. Already we are bored, so begin texting friends. Yon, halfway through his annual road trip, is somewhere in Yellowstone. We send him a pity text.

12:40 Clearly Yon is jealous we are drinking without him. “What the shit! You guys are hanging out without me?” Don’t worry Yon, when you get back we’re ass-napping you to C-bus and doing it all over again. Only next time, we’ll be ready for the Buckeye hotties and you’ll have full wingman protection, courtesy of undiscoveredterritory! Pow! (as CG would say). Get ready to “Dot the I,” Yon!

1:00 Irish Car-bomb (yuck, I’m never mixing anything with Guinness again).

1:10 John, the only one with a shred of common sense, not to mention dignity, decides this is a good time to leave his two drunk friends at the bar. I could say something mean and cutting about loyalty. But I think we all know that John did more than his share of babysitting for the night.

1:15 As a goodbye treat to John, CG and I each do a shot of Grey Goose. Thank you Ugly Bartender for spinning the Drink Wheel!

1:20 CG and I proceed to have a very loud debate about which girl he should hit on. Unfortunately, the pickins’ are slim. A couple 6′s, a few 5′s. It appears that tonight is Leave Your Paper Bag at Home Night. This would have been a good time to Break Shit. Instead we drink more.

1:30 I think I had an Apple Sour. Not sure. Maybe more Guinness?

1:45 We exit Linder’s and begin stumbling home. A “Free Kittens” sign appears ahead, nailed to a tree. God says to me, “Go ahead, take the sign.” If the kittens are free, I reason, wouldn’t then the sign be free, too? (I am particularly smart, after drinking, I think to myself.)

1:46 I am now the proud owner of a “Free Kittens” sign. We loudly make plans for our newly acquired sign. You know you’re drunk when you return home with signage.

2:00 Whilst pissing on my chimney, CG nails our new sign to the phone pole. Success!

2:10 Thanks to CG and the Ugly Bartender’s choice of drinks, I am now awaiting the inevitable. Fortunately, in the meantime, we are blessed with entertainment: mysteriously, from nowhere, a police cruiser pulls up. Now, we’re safely seated on the front steps, so no worries. But we can’t help but wonder whether “Free Kittens” was not, in fact, free. Might someone have called the police, complaining that some drunk asshole stole their “Free Kittens”?

The officer exits his cruiser holding radio to ear, never giving us more than a glance, tears the sign from the phone pole, gets in his cruiser, and drives off. With my “Free Kittens”! Asshole! Briefly I consider yelling for my sign back. Somehow I restrain myself.

2:30 We plot revenge. Steal another sign? Smash beer bottles in the street? Throw up in the bushes? Yep–throw up in bushes is a winner!

2:40 We agree, CG is the man for holding his alcohol. Whatever. With little else to entertain ourselves we call it a night. Can’t wait to do it again (even if it did hurt in the morning).

4:30 “Dammit, Conrad, I’m so pissed at you right now.” I think Tina was mostly pissed by how bad I smelled in bed. Sorry, honey.

With that said, please let me introduce all of you guys to undiscoveredterritory’s first, but hopefully not last, lady blogger. Yon, ChrisG, Devil, and Breadstickhero: meet Brooke (who will henceforward be known as Lipsoflexicon).

Careful boys. You’ve got a real audience now.

Hugs and Kisses –Conrad

edit: so here it is, kind of unfinished but i did try to do my little best with what i could at the short amount of time i had, chris plz feel free to do whatever you want to make it better, and we still need a better intro, just kind of threw one together quick.

Manfesto #1